This is hard...
Aug. 1st, 2006 02:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xp_phoenixHard to write, hard to say, hard to do; simply hard.
Some people, of course, already know this, others will understand why when I tell them, but to many of you this is going to seem a bit shocking. And I don't think I can explain, or at least, not to many people's satisfaction.
With everything that's happened, I really haven't been dealing very well with... Well, actually, with a lot of stuff. This was hit home while Scott was gone, when I lost control of myself. I... would rather not elaborate on that.
Charles and I have been talking, and he feels that I need to go on a sort of vision quest. Relearn a lot of the things I knew three, four, ten years ago and lost. Or find new ways of coping with the world and my powers. Or both. Or neither. Certainly I need to learn new ways of coping with myself.
This is NOT good bye. I couldn't say goodbye to you even if I wanted to, and that is the last thing in the world I want. But I am going away and I can't say how long I'll be gone, because I don't know. Am not even very sure where I'll be going, although my first stop is going to be Tibet.
And I'm going there tomorrow.
I know, this is incredibly short notice, partly because I really can't deal with doing a lot of tearful goodbyes - it feels as though I've cried small oceans since May already.
I am sorry about this. Sorry about the suddenness, and the unexplainedness of it all. Sorry I'm not coping better. And so, so sorry that it's come to this.
I never thought, after finally coming home, I would ever leave again. And certainly not that I would ever choose to leave.
Some people, of course, already know this, others will understand why when I tell them, but to many of you this is going to seem a bit shocking. And I don't think I can explain, or at least, not to many people's satisfaction.
With everything that's happened, I really haven't been dealing very well with... Well, actually, with a lot of stuff. This was hit home while Scott was gone, when I lost control of myself. I... would rather not elaborate on that.
Charles and I have been talking, and he feels that I need to go on a sort of vision quest. Relearn a lot of the things I knew three, four, ten years ago and lost. Or find new ways of coping with the world and my powers. Or both. Or neither. Certainly I need to learn new ways of coping with myself.
This is NOT good bye. I couldn't say goodbye to you even if I wanted to, and that is the last thing in the world I want. But I am going away and I can't say how long I'll be gone, because I don't know. Am not even very sure where I'll be going, although my first stop is going to be Tibet.
And I'm going there tomorrow.
I know, this is incredibly short notice, partly because I really can't deal with doing a lot of tearful goodbyes - it feels as though I've cried small oceans since May already.
I am sorry about this. Sorry about the suddenness, and the unexplainedness of it all. Sorry I'm not coping better. And so, so sorry that it's come to this.
I never thought, after finally coming home, I would ever leave again. And certainly not that I would ever choose to leave.
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Date: 2006-08-01 10:54 pm (UTC)Be well, Jean, and I hope that you find what you need.
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Date: 2006-08-01 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-02 12:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-02 01:40 am (UTC)See you later Jean.
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Date: 2006-08-02 06:28 am (UTC)I wanted to apologize for what happened on the beach. I wish I could have apologized in person, and now you're leaving. Better late than never, though, I guess. Even if you understand, I wanted to say it.
I'm sorry.
Good luck, Jean. Taking care of yourself is one choice you should never have to be sorry for. I hope you find what you're looking for.